How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.
Fun Fact: None of the actors but Gene Wilder knew that the tunnel scene was coming. Like, they had the lines and stuff, but they thought it was just a boat ride. And when the lights came on and he started singing their terror was real
This happened a lot throughout the movie. Which is one of the reasons it’s such a great film. The directors did the same thing when they all saw the inside of the Factory for the first time. They wanted to show the face of pure imagination. To capture it all.
Same thing with the scene where he comes out of the factory to greet them. None of them had gotten to meet Gene beforehand, so when he came out all hobbled on the cane and they had these confused looks on their faces and look actually concerned when he starts to tumble forward? That’s all legit. This whole movie was successful because it fucked with everyone who wasn’t Gene Wilder.You guys know the sad Charlie reaction pic I use so much? That’s another ad lib scene. In rehearsals, gene was a lot calmer, but when they were actually filming he exploded on Peter ostrum (Charlie). That sad expression is genuine. And tht’s what it’s basically my favorite reaction picture ever.
The reason he came out limping and then rolled forward was so that from that point forward nobody could tell if he was lying or telling the truth.
literally none of this movie was scripted they just found a group of people and had them improvise an entire movie as cameras were rolling gene wilder doesn’t even exist you’re still dreaming
Two teenage girls attempted to go in front of me for a photo and The Evil Queen said, “Excuse you, I do believe this young lady was here before you. Now step aside”. My love for her is endless.both are such babes
God help my blackened soul.
Brow game so fucking strong all round in this photo